woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
