i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
