What a fucking waste of an outfit
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
