you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
