I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
