Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
