It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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