Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
