So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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