Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Two words: blizzard sex
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
