that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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