i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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