I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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