there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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