just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
