it hurts more in the daytime
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
