Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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