what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
