oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
