And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
