So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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