I want to walk on stilts...naked
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
