he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
