Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
