yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
