I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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