my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
