Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
