Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
