After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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