He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
