Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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