i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
