peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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