Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
