Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
