I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
