dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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