Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
