I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
