the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
