I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
