lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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