Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
