the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
