YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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