she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
