i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
