you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
