Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
