you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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