Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
